Monday, June 6, 2011

this is where we find our peace

It has been less then five months since my last post. I would love to say I simply just forgot about this makeshift blog but things aren't always that simple. The second you lose all motivation to do something you enjoy you can propose a need for change. I had a rough patch, fell in love, had my heart broken, family issues, and digging myself in a huge hole in school. I would like to say I have resolved every little dilemma, but that would be false advertisement. I hope that I passed all my finals but until I am informed otherwise, HOLY SHIT, I'M A SENIOR! My last summer vacation, and then last year of high school. This is all so crazy to think about. The second I walk that stage, that's when life starts. I hope this summer is as eventful as my last. I will hopefully visit Carmel, and see the ones I left behind for stale air and rundown people. Well, this is all for now. I am going to make a whole new blog entitled, Gandhi And Jesus Are Homies. Check it out(:

Much love,

Friday, January 7, 2011

Chemical Colours Photography©

Here is some of my photography, not all of it but some of my favorites. I'll add to it every week so make sure to go look every once in awhile(: Let me know what you think!

Much Love,

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Hopeless Romantic..

Truth be told, I'm just a hopeless romantic.

Taking the time to try and cure your suicidal tactics.

Just for tonight I need to feel your vibrant embrace.

I love the smile that takes over my face,

When I drift of to sleep, lying next to you.

That night in January has helped me through,

all this misunderstood heart ache and pain.

I love the tone of your voice when you say my name.

This may be pointless, but what have I got to lose?

I'll keep on fighting until I reach you.

Fuck it may be a journey to get where I need to go,

But I won't stop until you and everyone else knows.

I am "head over heals," frostbitten, hopeless, and stiff.

I exhale hoping you don't give up on me like everyone else did.

Your one in a million, which may make my chances a million to one.

But there are at least two good reasons loaded in this gun.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


Am I ever going to get out of this cavern?
I keep climbing begging for the worse not to happen.
I'm afraid if I pause even for a breath,
I'll be buried in all this deceit disguised as death.
I see the sun, it burns my optic view.
The radiance warms a perception that is new.
I feel so close, but the light starts to fade away.
I climb faster praying to once again see the light of day.
I will never get out of the despair.
I wear it like a mask beneath my profuse hair.
I strive for things to be the way they used to be.
I keep on fighting for a hope of you coming back to me.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Loneliness kills.

I break away from this self made comfort zone.
There will never be a force that can make it have a comfortable tone.
This awful pain pierces right through me, leaving no trace behind.
I've already took my fair share of bruises, lumps and immature remarks of every kind.
After tonight I am not so convinced that there is ever going to be a feeling of being whole.
This awkward loneliness has never truly left my soul.
One look at you and I knew this had to amount to something more.
Who am I even kidding? I am the homicidal maniac and you are the proud whore.
I am dying to see what lies beyond the flames in your eyes.
The chaos of uncertainty and scars they have left behind.
The way you produce these thoughts that raid my endless mind.
It has me in realization that I am addicted to the way you make me feel.
The way your bruises and bite marks never seem to heal.
Until we can meet again I keep my breaths on hold.
Only for a new chapter that has yet to be untold.

Chemical Colours....

I am still alive, even if its just for tonight.
I can feel the pulse all around me.
You dance in the vibrations of the ministry.
This monstrosity, it eats at me.
Like chemicals eat away the colours in your eyes.
I have to go, don't act like you don't see.
Don't act like you don't see the truth behind these beautiful lies.
This electricity, it paralyses me.
Don't let go, I'm still alive.
Lost in a trance of a bulletproof delight.
I can see the storm pass through the dosage.
I can see a passage through your trust.
Ten minutes 'till there is nothing left, just gold dust.
These chemical colours are eating at my only need to survive.
We can still save us, we can still save me.
Reach to the sky, I am still alive.
Let's make them see, things aren't always what they appear to be.

Sunday, January 2, 2011


Some words are so hard to swallow.
After my fourth shot these actions are getting harder to follow.
I was stupid; I made a fool of myself.
When I passed out by the toilet, and spewed my health.
It was the best night, laying there talking our cares away.
Shit happens, tomorrow will be a new day.

Now I'm barely seventeen, got a glimmer in my eye.
Not giving a fuck whether I live or die.
Swallow my pride with a sleeping pill and two shots of rum.
After what happened the night before I promised I'd be done.

Cry myself to sleep, or until I get a grasp of this wealth.
No one really gives a fuck if you make a fool of yourself.
I need to take advantage of the good times.
Not the pointless nursery rhymes.
Its the love from my friends; old and new.
To keep my upright and doing the things I do.

Song of the week ;D

In my opinion one of the best bands ever(:

I swear drunk I'm not officer...

So, I haven't been blogging lately. Some shit has been going on but since it is Sunday I will post the song of the week and start putting more posts up. Hopefully of some songs or just random thoughts.

Anyways, how was your New Years? Mine was most definitely crazy. I was back in Monterey for a solid four days (New Years occurred on the third). My New Years may have resulted with me puking my ass off and barely remembering anything but once I regained most of my consciousness it was all good. Waking up with your bra and pants undone is a bit strange though. Luckily nothing happened. Moments after waking up this really awesome guy checked in on me and let me go sleep in his bed with him. As I climbed under the covers looking and smelling like shit, I felt so much better. We stayed up until four in the morning just talking. It was extremely nice and he is a really great guy. I hope you guys stayed safe and had a good one!

Much Love,

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Cool As Black Ice.

So, I'm pretty convinced having a sinus infection is making me more miserable then this feeling of complete loneliness. I hate that he's always on my mind and how he just ignores me. Seriously, if I take the time to message someone shouldn't they have the audacity to message me back? It's rather hard to deal with, maybe I should just stop bothering him. Anyways, three weeks of Winter break to endure. Christmas then my birthday 5 days after. If my current illness subsides and I somehow manage to scavenge enough money to go back home to Carmel then things should go nicely. I really miss everyone there. Cow Town will never feel like home; Carmel always will. When I moved here I knew things were going to be hard but I never imagined it being this hard. My amount of friends has rapidly decreased and the stale valley air is starting to get to me.

I spent forever to do my hair this morning because I have to try and look some what decent. Then I stepped outside my humble little home and there it was. Fog thicker than I have ever encountered. By the time I reached school my hair was damp and the extra time I took to actually straighten my hair completely vanished. I reached third period (due to finals we had it first thing today) looking like complete shit. Lesson learned? Most Definitely.

I think this is it for tonight. I'm still sick and rather drowsy from the NyQuil. Leave a comment telling me what you are doing for your break, or you can tell me how the magical flying pickles are going to take over the world with their narwhals and candy cane swords.

Much love,

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Things That Irk Me.

These are some common things that really irk me:

First of all the book and movie series Twilight, because vampires don't fucking sparkle.
Mr. Dominguez (anyone that has him knows why).
Being sick, which I currently am): I get sick way to often; it is rather sad.
Ants due to the fact they are taking over my house because it is winter.
Flat soda, because flat soda just does not taste good.
The color pink.
Freshman, because they think they're hot shit.
Chemistry homework...there's always so much.
People who don't messgage you back on facebook or myspace.
Hot weather.
Justin Beiber, that little girl fucking scares me.
Our economy.
Cheating, because sadly I have been cheated on. It's one of the worst feelings ever.
Disapointing Justin, I'm sorry love.
Windy days.
My cellular device.
Physical Education.
My father when he is on his medication.
Not being able to see or speak to my mother.
Public speaking.
Being in Cow Town instead of Carmel.
School Dances.

That is all I can think of for now. Leave a comment stating what really irks you.
Much Love,

song of the week(: (Lodging by Tigers Jaw)

Every sunday I will be posting a song and that will be my song of the week.
This week I chose Lodging by Tigers Jaw.
I hope you enjoy it.

Who Am I?

Some say you can read a person cover to cover through their eyes. No matter what shade they may be, they always give off a different story. The color of your eyes is like the colors that lie upon a canvas. They aren't always the most vibrant, but you don't need the most gorgeous green eyes to hide the saddest of stories. As for my eyes, well they are rather bipolar. Yes my eyes are Bipolar; you may be asking yourself how that is even plausible. Well my eye color plays off of my emotion, and no that doesn’t mean they go from brown to blue to green. They always stick to shades of brown. When I am distraught they tend to turn a dark brown, and when I am happy they inflict a pretty shade of reddish- hazel. However, when I am enraged they are nearly black. You can read me like a picture book due to the fact my eyes are so emotional. Are you still listening…whoever you are?

So, here’s some background information for whoever may be reading. I was born in Fresno, Ca. on December 30th, 1993. I am currently enrolled as a junior at Los Banos High School. I’ve lived in Cow Town Cali since the middle of July and I can honestly say that after high school I’m getting my ass out of here. Before the stench of cows and stale valley air I lived in Carmel-By-The-Sea. In tiny-dog-and-old-peoples-ville my friends and my surroundings helped shape up the strong person I am today. The people I have back home, my best of friends, have been with me through thick and thin and I love them more than anything else. Without them I wouldn’t be me.

Here are some random facts just so you get a feel for what I am about, that is if you are still reading this. My favorite colors are purple, lime green, yellow, and teal. However, purple is my all time favorite. My favorite animal is a panda and my favorite candy is gummy sharks. I really enjoy Chinese food and Italian food. Root beer and Dr. Pepper are my favorite drinks. However, I really like Arizona iced tea too. Music is the one of the things that keeps me going. Some lyrical terminology can never fail to make me smile. I really enjoy all types of music but mostly listen to indie, alternative, screamo, and punk. Some of my favorite bands are: Asking Alexandria, A Day to Remember, Confide, and Nirvana. I currently have my lip pierced and my ears gauged. I pierced my lip myself and I had my ears pierced since I was really little then I went straight from piercing size to 6’s. That’s not that Big if you are wondering. Some of my favorite movies are: The Labyrinth, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Hangover, Superbad, Sex Drive, Zombieland, The Book Of Eli, Kick Ass, and Finding Nemo.

I am currently single; happy with my relationship status? Not even. It seems the one person I want the most will never come to see my existence. I’m honestly tired of getting hurt and used. It’s the worst feeling in the world. I’ve had my share of problems…who hasn’t? I’ve been through way too much, but the past is that past and it has only made me a stronger person. Don’t live in the past or the present; savor every second and every breath. You don’t know if today will be your last day. I am not religious; sorry I’m not what you’ve always hoped for dad. I will never meet anyone expectations. I’m going to do what I want with my life. No one will ever change that. I’ll never give up.

I am an artist; nothing more nothing less. My artistic abilities lie in certain categories. I consider myself an amateur photographer, sketch artist, and a writer. Photography has been a passion ever since middle school. When I got my first camera phone I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I had this crazy idea that I would be able to be amazing like some of the photographers that showcase their photographs in galleries. Yeah, 2.0 mega pixels does not always produce the best images. Up to about a year ago I had been asking for a digital camera for my birthday. Then last year for my sixteenth birthday, there it was…a shinny new pink (I hate pink just to clarify that) Samsung SL620 12.2 mega pixel digital camera with a 5x optical zoom. Not the best camera in the world, but a good way to start out. After all, the camera is just as talented as the person using it. Over the past year I have produced some pretty good images and I strive to get a better camera and keep working to make my photographs even better.

In a nut shell that is who I am. I wouldn’t change it for anything, because in reality there is no one like me, and I am like no one. I may have some of the same physical features as others, but never completely the same. My personality in all can not be matched. I am completely bonkers and damn proud of it. You will never find some one exactly like you. You are unique in every way; don’t let anyone tell you differently.

Much love,